Someone had to think about it. I had a textual conversation with my GM about our favorite ass flashing regular from this past Saturday and we spoke about how certain professions seem to be more prone to being booze bags than others. Most of this is no brainer territory but quite interesting nonetheless. And yes, all this information came from a random site on the internet and is probably not entirely accurate. Let’s go.

Numero uno: Miners. No, not the crypto kind. The dudes that go into the earth to extract things. Deep into holes. Down, down, down. A career not for the claustrophobic. I mean, there’s all sorts of metaphors I could use here that I’ll avoid to keep this post safely within a PG rating. For someone like myself that can’t even stand being on. a packed subway this makes total sense. I can’t imagine being under the earth and thinking about the whole thing collapsing down on my head. being trapped there while the oxygen levels are slowly depleted or just starving to death.

Lawyers. Yes. It seems that defending known scumbags and taking money from undeserving victims, harming the poor and downtrodden for corporations that pile money into vast, unholy sums, may cause someone to want to drink their life away. Or at the least, drink enough to forget your crimes against humanity. Also, no one really likes lawyers. This could also contribute to their self abuse.

Doctors, nurses, dentists, other healthcare professionals. Yeah, it’s depressing to see the human body in certain states of decline, take care of people, and have to give bad news to family members. Yeesh. I think I’d need a drink or two after cleaning just one bedpan. Dentists? Man oh man. Looking into weird mouths all day, tooth decay, etc. would drive me to drink.

Jesus, this post is getting massively depressing. Apologies. Continue? Let’s finish with style.

Ah, here we go. Restaurant workers are next on the list. Yup. Duh. It seems proximity to alcohol combined with the stress of dealing with the general population’s shit antics while working odd hours create an environment that can only be soothed by a few delicious tatas in the wee hours of the night. Been there, done that. Working second shift isn’t great for the human body.

The rest of the list is pretty easy to guess. Mid level managers, construction workers, finance and insurance, artists and entertainers (rockstars, yeah) I mean, there’s a few on there you wouldn’t think of. Real estate peeps. That’s odd, but I guess it’s stressful. Here’s one, teachers. Yeah, no shit. Getting paid poorly to teach the same thing year in and out while dealing with the country’s budding hoodlums and spoiled brats sounds like the perfect environment to have one too many cocktails in order to forget your life. I’m pretty sure many of my teachers in high school drank during their lunch break.

I first imagined those dudes that go to sea looking for king crabs in Alaska must be a bunch of boozers. But maybe alcohol is forbidden on the vessels. Maybe the most dangerous professions have the least amount of drunks simply due to the dangers involved whereas a lawyer can just go to town all day if they so choose. Sneak a few vodkas here and there.

My takeaway from the list is that dealing with dangerous situations can lead to drinking but it seems a guilty conscience as well as dealing with people, (employees and customers), can create an atmosphere where people are more prone to drowning their sorrows. Hey, this is good for bartenders!