The glories of gluten. Man oh man. I’ll be the first to admit I have a major weakness for it. My childhood diet consisted of gluten with heaping sides of sugar. It’s no wonder I was such a little shit. But alas, in old age, it’s started to wear on me. It’s become more enjoyable than ever, but has developed into a full blown nuisance if I partake too much. I’m talking about swollen joints, general fatigue, and brain fog. Not an allergy or the dreaded celiac disease but more just something no longer good for me in my later years.

Yes, just like alcohol, sugar, and the processed oils combining the flavors like Voltron. Delicious vittles I could shovel down my gullet with wild abandon in my twenties and thirties. Pizza, pasta, sandwiches. Three types of food with multitudes of combinations. Grilled ham and cheese. My favorite of all time, a medium Dominos with peppers, sausage, and onion (not sorry). Pretty much any type of pasta but especially spaghetti vongole. Insert drool emoji here.

The reasons it’s been so vilified as of late? That’s a deep dive. But wheat production isn’t what it used to be. In the late 90s pretty much all crops started to be sprayed with glyphosate, a toxic herbicide/pesticide. So if you weren’t eating anything organic back then, you were putting some, no a ton of it, of it in your body. If you haven’t noticed, wheat and vegetable oils are in pretty much anything processed.

What does glyphosate do to the human body? Well, it destroys the microbiome and our gut health is very important to our well being. Listen, I’m too dumb to keep going about this but there’s so much information out there about this now it’s just silly. Start here if you want to keep going.

Is life even enjoyable without gluten? Well, they’ve worked on some decent imposters but it’s still not the same. The trick, like anything in life, is to enjoy, but not too much and if you do, eat the best possible. Splurge and buy Italian pasta, or that $10 organic loaf from the local bakery.

Last night, a couple came in. They were, let’s say, a little undecided on what they wanted. Long story short, the kitchen closed, they were still hungry but didn’t want dessert. So what was this seasoned veteran to do?

I finagled some warm bread from the kitchen, butter of course, and went back there myself and poured a good heap of honey on a nice plate. The couple seemed a little hesitant at this at first. Honey on a plate? But once they got into it, and I mean, really into it, they couldn’t stop. Add another round of red wine and they left the place singing my praises with glistening smiles on their warm faces.

Good sourdough, some cultured butter, and a little local honey. You’ve got the sweet, the sour, and dueling textures. Few things in this world are so simple yet so goddam delicious, so good that it seems like a trick right? Nothing is so soothing as bread. It’s ingrained in us (ingrained get it?). Think of all the ways we do it up to give us the ultimate mouth pleasure. Disagree? Go eat a cheeseburger without a bun. Totally unsatisfying. Even just a piece of cheese, accompanied by a slab of good bread has the power to transform your mood. Throw a good glass of wine in there and all of a sudden you’re transported somewhere else, away from your job, kids, the stress of whatever it is that ails you. This is why total abstinence is not a good idea. But the notion of the “moderation” we all hear about so much , to me, is total poppycock. Enjoy when your body tells you it’s ok, just don’t do it so often that it’s disruptive to your health. Like anything, it’s easier said than done.