Yeah, I changed Kuato to Quato. So what? Let’s focus on the why. First off, fresh loquats, then kumquat scraps. After making sort of fermented kumquat-vanilla syrup there’s a bunch of waste leftover. This went into several different areas. There’s some shrub, then some infusion confusion vodka/pisco concoction but also a little Old Fashioned Traditional Dark rum (O.F.T.D.) with some spices. The usual suspects–vanilla, allspice, cinnamon, nutmeg, star anise, clove, and a bunch of dried orange slices. It all sat until needed, then I added regular proof dark rum (80) in a 2:1 ratio. Why did I do it this way? Well, alcohol is a strong solvent and draws flavor out of whatever it’s soaking in. The stronger the proof the better. We can’t always afford the good stuff, the Polish 192 proofer (still haven’t figured out where to order it from) and so very often I use crappy 151 rum or Plantation O.F.T.D. which is a modest 69%.

A bunch of rum heads created the O.F.T.D. formula for Plantation. Read more about it here on the official website. Yeah, it’s gooooooooood. Not for the faint of heart, however. It’s actually delicious in coke. Yup, the ol’ Cuba Libre from your childhood. You’ve got to be careful with this shit, dude. Not only is it delicious but it’s also highly flammable.

The Quato part? It’s yet another reference to a golden oldie, Total Recall starring our ex-governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, don’t laugh at how old I am but I saw this one in the theater. I’m sure I’ve told stories about this already but my Uncle David used to take me to movies I shouldn’t have been seeing at very young ages. Aliens, The Running Man, Rambo, Predator, etc. Basically every single mega violent Arnie, Jean Claude, and Sly movie back in the day, plus all the movies from the Star Trek franchise and rando sci fi flicks. We would tell my mom we were going to see Annie or some other drivel and go see the cool, rated R shit. This one wasn’t so bad and I was a little bit older, I mean, there’s a scene where Michael Ironside gets his arms ripped off, but I think that’s about it in terms of gratuitous gore. No head explosions or anything. Oh wait, he does shoot his wife, played by Sharon Stone, in the head.

In Total Recall Kuato is a mutant, played by the indomitable character actor, Marshall Bell, who is the leader of the rebel bands attempting to free Mars from the grips of the nasty corporate douchebag entity (Cohaagen played by Ronny Cox). I’m pretty sure they got the idea for the baby Bjorn from this guy.

Ok, I just checked and the baby Bjorn was invented in 1960. I still think this guy popularized the idea. Anyway, Kuato was not only good looking but also psychic. He held the key to reigniting the old alien reactors on Mars in order to restore the atmosphere. And who else but Arnold could pull it off? There’s a little more depth to the movie too. We’re not really sure throughout if Arnie is just on vacation or not. If you haven’t seen it you need to check it out. I don’t want to ruin the ending. It follows a timeline of quality flicks put out by the director Paul Verhoeven back in the day. Yeah, the guy who rolled out a decade long swath of total quality starting with Robocop (1987), moving to the Philip K. Dick inspired Total Recall (1990), coming in hot and heavy with Basic Instinct (1992), dialing the cheese factor to 10 with Showgirls (1995), and then finishing strong with Starship Troopers (1997).

Quato Lives

1.5 oz. Strong Spiced Rum Blend

1 oz. Fresh Lime Juice

.5 oz. Coconut Milk

.5 oz. Bananum

.5 oz. Loquat Syrup

Strain this puppy off onto a BFR and then blast it with some blackstrap rum from an atomizer. Quality beverage. Happy quaffing.