Every so often it’s late at night and you find yourself deep diving into one of the, if not the, most fascinating and perplexing mystery of the ancient world. I’m speaking about the Great Pyramid of Giza here and in my case it was last night until one in the morning. The documentary was Revelations of the Pyramids (2010) narrated by Brian Whathisname, you know, the father from Succession. I’m utterly ensorcelled by these subjects, always have been. Call it curiosity or in many cases, a simple and aware, controlled gullibility. Since I could read I gravitated toward books like Mysteries of the Unexplained and learned about events like the Tunguska explosion in Russia, haunted houses, possessions, and bizarre happenstances like spontaneous combustion. Of course, sasquatch, UFOs, and Nessie were the natural progression. My own hometown, Burlington, VT, has a supposed lake monster of it’s own, Champ.

You’d think because I enjoy the topics, I’d be a huge believer. Uh, yeah, no. Bigfoot? Ok, show me a body. “You produce a corpse and I’ll dig your daughter up.” Lake monsters? Well, there’s a slim to none chance a giant dinosaur could still exist from millions of years ago and not be identified with modern technological advances such as sonar. UFO sightings? Yeah, this is a weird one I may actually go for. The government, the freaking Pentagon has gone so far as to mention these puppies are a problem. More on those some other time.

As much as I enjoy reading about odd, possibly untrue phenomena, I haven’t ever seen anything weird myself. Not even a howl or bump in the night. The closest I’ve ever gotten is one degree of separation. My grandmother claimed she had ghosts in her house, my parents hired some weird dude to go in and expel them. A friend of mine from high school is a paranormal investigator (always kind of a wingnut). Historically, my family members have been oddballs, though. One of my great aunts was supposedly clairvoyant. And last but not least, on my mother’s side of the family we are all directly related to Margaret Scott, one of the women hanged during the Salem Witch Trials in the 1600s.

All of the above, including many conspiracy theories, are fun to think about but if you’re sane you realize that it’s all just a big pile of crap. No, giant hairy ape people probably don’t live in the Oregonian wilderness. But, if you have a mind like my own, and are curious about these types of mysteries, well then friend, I must present you with the monoliths and structures of the ancient world. The most baffling and inexplicable being the Great Pyramid of Giza. Believe it or not, I’m going to weave this into cocktail creation at the end. Just wait.

So, maybe you don’t care. I get it. It’s just a bunch of large stones piled atop one another. We do shit like that as kids, right? Well…I’m sure you’ve heard that no one can figure out just how they did it…And they did it all over 5,000 years ago with copper tools. These stones weigh anywhere from 2.5 to 15 tons. They lugged them from hundreds of miles away, yada, yada. But here’s the kicker–They’re all different and they’re cut so precisely you can’t even slip a piece of paper between any of them. The pyramid, and other ancient stone structures, were built without mortar, they all fit snugly together like puzzle pieces, and for this reason are incredibly earthquake proof.

I could keep going with the facts. My mind goes to weird places when I watch and learn about the old, monolithic structures. For one, I start thinking that however they made the walls is just a lost art now. They must have had something we’ve never seen. I mean, NASA claims to have lost the technology to go to the moon. So I’m assuming it’s plausible we could have lost certain technology from so long ago.

One of the craziest details in the doc is how the Great Pyramid of Giza lines up with several other sites. For one, a direct 30 degree line from Easter Island to Machu Picchu to Giza. Another from the Pyramid of Teotihuacan in Central America to Giza to The Pyramid of Xi’an in China.

I can only think something else had to be afoot, unless this is the greatest coincidence of all time. Aliens? Who knows? There’s plenty of those people out there. I think it’s more about what we don’t know existed back in those days. Do you remember the famous Sherlock Holmes quote? It goes like this.”When you have eliminated all which is impossible then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Would it have been possible for these builders and architects in the ancient world to have known one another in some way and shared the same stone cutting and megalithic structure technology? The only plausible explanation is that they travelled between the continents. No one seems to believe they could have done something like this even though they erected structures we would have a difficult time building today with massive cranes and hydro powered, diamond toothed power saws.

Another of the more interesting points the doc touches on is the prevalence of the golden ratio throughout the design of the Great Pyramid of Giza. This of course is the spiral formation found throughout nature, as well as in the Fibonacci number sequence where each number combined with the other produces the next and so on and so forth (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34…)

At any rate, this shit is all above my head. I’m just an old ass bartender. But ah, we have our own ratios do we not? The Manhattan, the rum and coke, etc. The most widely used and best of all being the…drumroll…8:3:2 ratio which is what we see in the illustration above. Any guesses as to what this is? Bueller? It’s a daiquiri spec. Divide each number by 4 and what do you get? 2 oz. .75 oz. and .5 oz. Mind blown? But, you ask, we’ve got 2, 3, and 8, what about the missing 5 from the Fibonacci sequence? Uh, that’s the final ounce count after you shake your cocktail, it becomes diluted from the ice, and you strain it into your awaiting 5.5 ounce coupe. Divide 5 by 4 and you get 1.25 oz. which is just about the right amount of water dilution (38%) you need for your single daiquiri. Are you listening now?