At this point, I’m not even sure what the hell I was thnking. I severely overestimated the amount of habaneros I would need for the entire year and ended up with a conservative three to four year supply, maybe more. Expect habanero drinks on the menu permanently for the foreseeable future. That’s not a bad thing except the buggers are real hot. They look so nice and orange and cozy, until you try one and fry your brain and sphincter.

In case you need visual aid, here’s what ten pounds of these fiery little bastards look like in a plastic lexan. Yup, again, a moment of gratitude to be so lucky to have this organic, local stuff at the end of the summer in good old SoCal.

I had to break up the prep between two days due to lack of time, foresight, and proper spacial requirements. Luckily, the Koji Kid left some cool glass jars he put his umeshu in a few years back.

Up above here we see days one and two. The habs were destemmed (stems saved and put into high proof booze for phlegethon bitters), sliced, and added to sugar in an equal parts by weight ratio. That wording sounded real odd. Anyway, as you can see, by day two the sugar began to absorb

On days two and three I stick blended the oldest batch of the jars to better incorporate all of it and get the sugar to fully dissolve. We also see Angel here pretending he doesn’t want to be in the shot.

Here we are on days three and four. As you can see with the day four jar, the sugar has fully dissolved and there’s some fermentation action going on. When I came in to work I saw the habaneros beginning to form a raft and so I had to place a tray underneath the jar out of fear it would bubble over and create a sticky, fiery hot disaster.

Day five I took initiative on the numero uno jar. First off, what a beautiful goddam thing. Just look at it. A clear amber concoction of pure destruction. Like a femme fatale–gorgeous but not to be trifled with.

And so begins the delicate process of straining this black widow. If you’re doing anything with habaneros, do yourself a favor and use gloves. Yes, like everything else in my life, I have found this out the hard way. I’ll let you imagine the ways these damn things have burned me over the years. The habanero are peppers to be respected, they will singe your skin and delicate membranes in and around your fragile body for up to three days despite any amount of scrubbing or washing.

I separated the mash from the liquid to make it a little easier on myself. The mash had very little liquid left but I pushed as much out as I could muster.

To the liquid, by weight, I added 25% white vinegar by weight. The total liquid was 2,859 grams and I added 714. How else did you expect this shit to last? This nice little shrub performs the duty of having alcohol free “bitters” to add to drinks for the occasional teetotaler. At this ratio it’ll age indefinitely and it only gets better and a little more mellow as it sits around. Five pounds of habaneros made three and a half quarts of shrub.

But then, you ask, what about the leftovers? Well, it’s Rustic Canyon, we don’t throw those out. We make Phlegethon bitters with them. Take the now clean jar and toss the raft in there with a sprinkle of gentian, some dried orange, a a good glug of super high proof neutral grain spirit. We use our Polish powered friend Spirytus Wesoly which is 192 proof or 96%. Yeah, be careful with this shit. Not only is it highly flammable but it’ll also make you go blind if you drink it.

Why so high? Well, alcohol is a great solvent and it sucks the flavor out of everything it comes in contact with. Go big or don’t go at all.

I did take a small amount of the raft, added some vinegar and salt, and pureed the mess in the trusty Vitamix at high speed for a couple of minutes. I called this “Salsa Chingon” and had some with family meal. Yes, very spicy. I love the burn, but my gringo constitution has a tough time handling it. When I went to change my clothes before service, my hair was completely wet. Yes, kiddos, I had been sweating through my scalp furiously. But oh the flavor! No other pepper really holds a candle to the habanero in these terms. It’s so damn unique. Alas, a double edged sword.

Here we are with the fruits of our labors. Looks nice and proper all dressed up, yes?