Someone on the grams, Zuffenhausen Syndikat, (@zuffenhausen.syndikat) this crazy German page with souped up Porsches, requested the entirety of the specs and recipes for this cocktail. It’s a doozy, but here goes…Hopefully they don’t drink and drive…Hmmm…Now I’m thinking about all sorts of funny things for cocktail names like Autobahn, but not the German road with no speed limit, the fictional techno band from The Big Lebowski. I couldn’t find a proper translation of “zuffenhausen” I’ll have to ask our pastry chef, Dom, about it. From what I can gather “zuffen” means “puff,” as in puffs of exhaust clouds? Anyway…

First the specs:

Nobody’s Fool

1.5 oz. White Rum (preferably White ‘Stache)

1 oz. Clarified Strawberry Punch

.5 oz. Fresh Lemon Juice

.5 oz. Fresh Lime Juice

.5 oz. Mac Daddy

.5 oz. Strawperol

.25 oz. Strawberry Syrup

1 Dash Shio Koji

Shake, strain into rocks glass, onto BFR. Sprinkle with dehydrated strawperol onto a floating lemon wheel…

Oosh.

Ok, first off, the strawberry syrup. You’ll need some organic strawberries, a blender, a chinois, a two ounce ladle, and a four quart measurer. Weigh out (I guess you’ll need a scale too) equal parts strawberries and sugar, blend them, and then strain them. Use the two ounce ladle to push it all through. Save the remnants leftover in the strainer for your punch.

Strawberry Milk Punch Recipe is here. The clarification part of this will be the most difficult to pull off.

Mac Daddy Amazake

For this you’ll need an immersion circulator, a stick blender, a nut bag, a blender, a large vessel for water and a two quart glass Ball jar. Also a scale.

Take 1 cup koji rice, 1.5 cups whole macadamia nuts, put it all in a jar and add 1 liter filtered water. Yeah, that’s it. Close the jar and place into a vessel big enough to hold it and enough water to submerge, but not float, the jar and said contents. Cook this with your circulator for 12-15 hours at 136° Fahrenheit.

Once finished, pop the top to release any pressure and stick blend the contents of the jar as fine as you can. Afterwards…Just wait…Stick the jar in a cool dark place for five to seven days. It’ll look something like this afterward:

First strain this in your trusty chinois placed inside the four quart measurer, then strain the liquid through your trusty nut bag to get all the nut silt out of it.

Nut silt.

Once you have your nut amazake milk, weigh it, (it’s usually between 980 to 940 grams, yes we’re mixing metrics with American) then add equal parts by weight sugar and blend it all. Pro tip: Don’t blend at high speed. You don’t want it getting all hot.

You can dehydrate the leftovers to make a delicious snack or freeze it like I do and use it as a “starter” for the next batch.

Strawperol

Add 500 grams sliced unwashed (I know, gross) organic strawberries to 1 liter of Aperol…put it on the shelf…and wait…I can’t stress enough that this won’t work unless you use organic. I guess it won’t be such a big deal in Germany. After a couple of days it starts to go pretty wild.

When it’s all done, strain it off. I hope you’re recognizing a trend here. Save the leftovers and dehydrate them. After a day or two zuff it all up in a spice grinder. That’s the strawperol powder.