Upon first glance, another alien. This one native to Central America where they call it pitaya. Super delish. Very juicy and the heavily edible tiny black seeds give a nice bit of crunch. I grew up picking berries in the early summer and apples in the fall, never in my wildest dreams (or nightmares) could I ever conceive of something like this. They appear to be some sort of protoplasmic biological grenade. Upon impact they explode and shower their victims with thousands of microscopic, venomous, flesh eating worms.

The way these things grow on the cacti makes no sense to me. Like an afterthought. They seem too big for the long stalks. So odd. Otherworldly. It’s almost like the way aphids collect on plant stems. Nature is really bizarre. If you had never seen one of these things before and I blindfolded you and brought you to a whole field of dragonfruit, you’d think I transported you to another planet where only carnivorous plants dwell. You wouldn’t want to go anywhere near this insatiable vegetation out of fear they would, with an eerie lightning quickness, grab hold of your body and neck with their tendrils, strangle you, inject you with spores and a powerful neurotoxin drug injected from their syringe like needles that keeps you paralyzed but alive and awake to experience their crazy purple babies feasting upon your still warm body while you’re pulled closer toward the main truck where you will be absorbed and slowly digested.

Like any fruit, there’s a plethora of health benefits. Lots of different vitamins, even some prebiotic effects for the old gut. Antioxidants, yada, yada. All fruit have these in varying degrees. I feel like if I just ate fruit and meat I would be happier and healthier. Maybe a little bread and butter every once in awhile…

I think these were brought from Mars after we destroyed it with too many nuclear wars and came to earth which was a better fit for our humanoid metabolisms anyway. I’ve got all kinds of theories about it. I actually think we were once sentient fungi and when we fried Mars’ atmosphere we sent spore pods to Earth and the fruit, in the form of mushrooms, caused primates to evolve into modern day homo sapiens. Hey, it’s a good, sound concept partly based upon Dennis McKenna’s “Stoned Ape Theory.” I’m also pretty keen that we evolved from aquatic apes. Why can’t we have both?