There’s a new/old “restaurant” model going around these days. The pick up counter. No bathrooms, no waiters, nowhere to sit really. The big one to me is no waiters because they’re genuinely just awful and annoying to deal with. A necessary evil of having to own a restaurant…But the newish model is to just exclude them, then the patrons have to worry about scarfing down their food somewhere else and blowing up the bathroom in their own homes. It all works out and some of the places employing this method have garnered some attention, at least in the latest L.A. Times 101 Best Restaurant list. The two that come to mind most rapidly are Perilla (42) and Kuya Lord (37).

It’s tough to make money owning a restaurant. With the insane amount of permits, insurance, and high cost items like a liquor license combined with the bare minimum costs of operation, it’s any wonder why people choose to do it. Just opening a place can sink you into debt and if you go the route of having investors, then all your profits can go their way instead of to the banks. Most places make profit in the ranges from 5 to 10%, which from a business perspective is depressingly awful. Pile all of this into the massive headache of dealing with waiters and it’s no wonder places are shuttered.

I mean, yes, there should be plenty of laws in place for serving food and booze. It makes some sense. After all, I don’t want to eat somewhere that is totally unregulated and alcohol is always going to be a slippery slope. The average person is, after all, a moron. Don’t worry, I categorize myself here as well. There’s a reason why seat belt laws exist–To protect us from our own collective idiocy.

Enter: The counter service joint. Zero bathrooms and all.

Community Goods. My preggo wife saw it blowing up from some soulless instagram influencer and decided to try it out…And it was actually pretty delicious. She went this morning at 8 a.m. Preggo cravings and all…In case you haven’t dealt with this before, it’s best to just nod and agree. The weird cravings of a pregnant woman is akin to the weather in Vermont…As the old saying goes…Just wait ten minutes..It’ll change…The hormones are fluctuating…There’s a literal parasitic organism growing inside that belly there and that little baby craves…Well, this morning anyway…More Community Goods. Jo brought home two sets of breakfast sliders. One for me-egg, bacon–One for her–egg, avocado. I do have to say it was delicious. The eggs were fluffy and moist and the buns, oh the buns.

Hawaiian buns.

These.

Not these.

The secret to a good Hawaiian bun…The edible kind…Ok, ok…The rolls…Is sugar of course. It’s a whole formula. There’s sugar in there so they can also add dairy. Yeah, it’s not really bread anymore, more like an under the radar pastry. So then you grill these babies up with some butter, you get the Maillard reaction, yum, yum, and voila!–Instant viral sensation. Add melted cheese and now you have a line out the door every morning just like this morning when my precious went to go pick up her latest food lust.

As an aside…I’ve gained a few pounds over the last couple of months. The rumors are true concerning the decline of the hubby of the preggo–You do gain weight alongside your preggo due to exhaustion from working two jobs, the stress of living in a vapid cesspool like L.A., lack of sleep, going to jiu jitsu less than before, being rejected constantly on your book proposals, drinking more booze to extinguish the demons of melancholy, and of course, scarfing down all the weird crap like breakfast Hawaiian bun sliders alongside your beloved. Hey, at least it’s sunny everyday…

I do have to say the Community Goods buns are pretty tasty but it’s also low hanging fruit. Yes, there’s plenty of bad food out there and this stuff tastes damn good, but once all the influencers start to see love handles appearing on their lover’s formally pert backsides, I think they’ll return to their overpriced kale and maple glazed salmon at Erewhon…Especially once the holidays are over…

Quick side note: I think the holiday binging has more to do with our own unprocessed, deeply buried childhood traumas that the corporations prey upon during this time of the year. Angry, disgruntled father who could never express himself emotionally? Here’s some cookies, whiskey, and credit card debt…

Is Community Goods a glorious flash in the pan? We’ll have to see if the trend lasts as long as the burger craze which took hold in the mid 2000s and never went away. Many questions: Will there be more of these opening in the future? Will there be imitators that spring up all over the city? Will we see the rise and eventual fall of Community Goods when the influencers turn their stern, Adderall fueled gazes to greener, healthier pastures?