For whatever reason I decided to dig up this old saw once again. I attempted to make some headway on the subject of garnishes early in this blog’s life here. I chose not to reread my own words from March but instead offer a different take on how people dress up their cocktails. I said before that a cocktail garnish should exist for only two reasons: 1. To eat. 2. To distinguish the beverages from one another so the waiters or whomever else can identify them and thus not bring the right drink to the wrong person or vice versa.

To clarify, I don’t think placing a rosemary branch or an orchid (unless edible) or some sort of jungle canopy in a drink is a good idea simply because these types of accoutrements only serve to get in the way of someone drinking their drink. This type of behavior existed in the late nineties and early two thousands in kitchens. I remember being on the line, pan searing a “pizzaiola” steak, slapping it onto a plate, and administering the coup de grace as a fresh rosemary branch. Flash forward fifteen minutes and that same plate came back to the kitchen mostly eaten with the same branch still on the plate. Everytime. No one wants to eat a damn stick. Flash forward fifteen years and any restaurant worth a good goddam doesn’t do this anymore. It’s over. Garnishes are now edible if they even exist at all.

Yes please garnish in order to be cute (clothespin attaching a fortune to the side of the drink) or intentionally annoying and outrageous (tempura shrimp), I think it’s safe to say the garnish needs to jump forward from the past and into the future which is now. Ok, ok, Bar Benfiddich, The Aviary, and a couple others have carte blanche to be as crazy as they want because they’re off the wall and amazing, but everyone else needs to chill out a bit. No more goddam

Please garnish with an orange or lemon peel to add some oil to your martini or Negroni. An outlandish design with said peel? Ok I’ll let it slide as long as the martini is 2:1 and I’m at the top of the Space Needle in Vegas or Seattle. The Bloody Mary and the Bloody Caesar both get a pass–a lifetime supply of get out of jail free cards. Another? Shit man, the damn dried lime wheel. I know, I know. I’m so guilty of this but it makes a little sense because it’s normally reserved for the bin and now it sort of dresses things up. Hey, we’re still doing the whole thoughtful usage thing no?