“Tell us a little about yourself.”

“Where do you want me to start?”

“Where are you from?”

“I grew up in Peru and moved to Ecuador for a while. Nowadays I spend most of my time in the same type of sub-tropical regions such as Central and South America but I’ve been all over the world at this point–Africa, South Asia, even Australia and I now even spend time here in Southern California. I don’t like the cold much.”

“Yeah? I hate the cold too.”

“I’m often confused with my cousin, guanoabana, we look so similar being from the same family.”

“Well, there’s a bunch of you guys. The soursops.”

“I really hate that term. Custard apple is less insulting, so please use that.”

“Ok. Custard apple.”

“But that still doesn’t really describe me.”

“Not at all in my opinion.”

“I don’t mind. It’s the only way Americans can relate to someone like me because I’m so exotic to them. I hear the all the time ‘What’s that, what’s that?’ People here are always asking. No one knows who I am. It can be a little frustrating.”

“Yeah, when describing your flavor I always tell people it’s…Tropical…A bit like banana, a little bubblegummy in a way.”

“I don’t appreciate that.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m my own thing. You wouldn’t describe a strawberry to taste like anything but a strawberry would you?”

“That’s different.”

“But it’s not.”

“I know that…I’m just saying that in order to communicate what you are to the average joker at the bar I have to help them construct a bridge because you’re so foreign. You even look like something from another planet.”

“Wow, I didn’t know this interview would be you insulting me.”

“Well, it’s going to end much worse than that for you.”

“Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, nothing. Let’s continue.”

“Uh…Ok.”

“I do have to mention something about all the seeds. Man oh man. So many seeds.”

“When you deal with the best you often have to contend with the negative parts as well.”

“The seeds are super annoying and time consuming.”

“Cry me a river.”

“I don’t know if I like your attitude.”

“Oh? Now I’m the one with the attitude? Do you not remember your previous insults?”

“Ok, ok. Let’s calm down over there.”

“I don’t think so. I’m outta here.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

“Huh?”

“Hold on a second.”

“What are you doing with that knife?”

“Nothing.”

“What the hell, man?”

“It’s ok. Trust me.”

“Stay away! Noooo! Help! Heeeeeelp! Yaaarrrrrgh!”