Well, it’s citrus season and if you’re bar program is worth a squirt of piss, that usually means you’ll be muddling something. For the record, I hate muddling, but also for the record, it’s the best way to incorporate fresh fruit flavor or herbs into your drinks. Listen, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s a bit of a pain. 1. It adds another step to the process of making the drink. 2. It’s a lot more mess to clean up.

I see very few bars doing this nowadays unless it’s some mediocre rooftop sort of place with a mojito on the menu. Yes, yes, the mojito is pretty good but it’s up there with most hated drinks to make. Shit, the reason why muddling is so good? You just cannot replicate freshness. Try this next time with your Clover Club. Instead of using week old raspberry syrup, just use simple syrup and throw four or five fresh raspberries into the tin. Man oh man it’s great. It makes real bartending a thing and separates it from the places that just pour drinks onto ice…Not that there’s anything wrong with the molecular side of the biz, but again, I’ll hammer this home, nothing beats fresh.

That said, there’s nothing worse than being in the weeds on a Saturday night and then some asshole orders a mojito and you have to run to the walk in, find some mint, look through said mint for good enough sprigs for both drink and garnish, muddle, muddle, gripe, gripe, make the damn drink, rinse out your tin and tea strainer, and then of course, if you failed to properly wash your tin out, you’ll end up with a fruit fly sized speck or two in one of your future cocktails. Also, the jerk who orders a mojito always asks for at least two…

But, but, there’s really nothing like fresh mint in a drink. When was the last time you had a whiskey or gin smash? So easy and so freaking delicious. Make yourself one at home sometime. Just please, for Christ’s sake, remember to double strain all the crap out. There’s nothing worse than seeing something like the picture above with all the mint floating in it. It’ll get stuck in your straw, dude. Ok, ok, don’t want to drink through a straw? Want to save a turtle? Well, you’re going to get that shit stuck in your teeth and look like a real doofus in front of your Tinder date.

Wen I first started at Rustic, the current (and first) bar manager, The Ranfer, was a goddam muddling machine. His awesome drinks would often combine fruit and herb. Take this one for example that works off a basic daiquiri template, but incorporates two seasonal early spring ingredients:

Corazon de Fresas

2 oz. Mezcal

.75 oz. Fresh Lime Juice

.5 oz. Simple Syrup

1 Muddled Strawberry

4 Sprigs Muddled Basil

Shake, double strain into a chilled small coupe. Garnish with a fresh basil leaf.

A delicious drink that I’ve since replicated for regulars only, but never put back on the list because it’s a real bitch during service. Ever since the pandemic our drinks sales have gone through the roof. People just want cocktails nowadays. I get it. Any jerk can buy a bottle of wine and open it, but being able to stir or shake up a good drink is still a mystery to many.

Still…I think about muddling pretty often…And not just about how much I dislike it…But how much it adds…

Our first cocktail of the year is a muddled sucker. Lighten Up, Francis. A fairly easy one with a muddled mandarin orange. Without the orange it would still be good but the muddling adds an extra layer not only because of the juice but also due to the citrus oils. Ah, yes, that’s the secret. There’s even a dude out there somewhere who adds a lime peel to his gimlets for that extra sumpin’ sumpin’.

It’s one of the reasons why the caipirinha is so next level in my opinion. Not only do you have some funky ass pot still rum (cachaca) but you’ve got lots of the freshest possible lime juice and lime oil kicking around. An average old daiquiri is amazing and the caipirinha makes it taste bland in comparison. If the test of a good bartender is their daiquiri, then what about their caipirinha? Do they know the secret to the best one? I do, but I’m keeping my mouth zipped on this one. I hold that and my nog recipe close to my heart. Maybe I’ll have them engraved on my tombstone. That would be cool as hell. I would want my gravesite to be populated by weird, mustachioed bartenders looking for those secrets…In reality no one would bother but a man can dream…

Here lies The Aging Bartender

May all your ups and downs be between the sheets

Nog Recipe____________

Caipirinha Recipe________

Don’t touch my muddler

May you liveth and quaffeth upon the earth