Face the fire, walk through the flames, force your way across the scorching coals of oblivion, desire, and angst. Folks, the bad news is that I don’t think the espressotini is going away anytime soon. The good news? There is no good news. Yes, it should not be so annoying but it is. Maybe it’s not the drink itself but the people who order it? Like those brainless simps who spend good, hard earned money on vodka sodas? No clue here, but the general idea is to polish the turd to such a high sheen that even you forget what it was in the first place. Well, it’s a damn good thing I’m here to elucidate you because the Catch 22 with this one is that if you make a good one it tastes delicious and you end up hating yourself for liking it.

The espressotini was “invented” by British bartender Dick Bradsell (great name) sometime in the late 80s when Kate Moss herself asked for a drink to “Wake me up and fuck me up.” So you could say she lended herself to the timeless and enduring legacy of the drink and each espressotini that has ever been made after this statement is infused with the essence of Moss.

I put invented in quotations up above because we have all, at some point, put booze in our coffee at some stage in life and thought to ourselves, “Wow, why didn’t I do this before?” All an espressotini really is is a shaken Irish coffee with vodka instead of Irish whiskey right? Sort of a no brainer to throw some Kahlua in there or whatever else you have on hand.

Coffee, dairy, and sugar go hand in hand. Add a little alcohol and we have ourselves a grand old time.

It is unique in that it is one of the only shaken cocktails out there with no citrus in it. Think of another. I’m waiting…And if you say shaken Negroni please stop reading this blog for the rest of your time in this mortal sphere.

Back in the day, the waifish Moss was notorious for going hard in the paint and would be seen hammered out and about in public. A cheap date for sure. She weighed all of 90 pounds so a few espressotinis and some cocaine probably put her right in the white girl wasted zone. Awake and annoyingly blotto.

Fast forward to present times and Moss’ legacy continues. The espressotini isn’t really for anything else except to wake you up and fuck you up. As bartenders do, we try to improve upon the past even if said past is perfectly fine or, in this case, completely awful.

Anyway…

1.5 oz. Tequila

1.5 oz. Espresso or whatever you have

1 oz. Whelk

.5 oz. Coffee Liqueur (We make our own but you don’t have to)

4 Dashes Lee’s Salted Chocolate Bitters

That’s it.

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