There’s much speculation in the Phish universe about just who “The Man Mulcahy” is in the song entitled “Character Zero.” Could it be Father Mulcahy from M.A.S.H.? Or just a random Jamaican DJ the Phish guys met long ago on vacation? Why is this thought in my head? Well, my son is obsessed with the opening tune, “Free,” from the album Billy Breathes and “Character Zero” is track number two. If you have yet to hear it, it is a philosophical rocker of sorts where Trey gives us this golden nugget:

“I was taught a month ago, to bide my time and take it slow, but I learned just yesterday, to rush and never waste the day, well I’m convinced the whole day long, that all I learn is always wrong, and things are true that I forget, but no one taught that to me yet, I, I ought to meet the man Mulcahy…” so on and so forth…

What do I gather from this? Jeez. I guess, one, you could say that everyone has their own view of life and you should go with what suits you best. But, as DeNiro’s character in Heat said, “There’s a flip side to that coin.” Maybe you should listen to certain advice and then, if you’re wise enough, squish it into your personal filter and see what comes out the other end. For me, biding my time and taking it slow, well, I just don’t operate that way, the ADHD won’t allow it. If I sat on my ass biding my time the guilt and anxiety would reach epic levels. But rushing is also against my religion. To quote another movie and another Bobby D. (R.I.P.):

“There’s a father bull and his son standing at the top of a hill. Below them is a herd of cows. The son says to his dad, ‘Dad, let’s run down there and fuck one of those cows.’ The father bull replies: ‘Let’s walk down and fuck all of them.’”

Now, I hope you get the gist. It comes from a lewd reference but can still be applicable in any sort of setting. I think this is what the man Mulcahy would advise. Think it out, find the best possible solution you can come up with, then go forward. It may not be the right solution, but either way, it will be a learning experience and as long as you’ve put some thought into it, you can at least say you did instead of doing something impulsive which is usually where we get into some sort of existential trouble big or small. Sometimes there is no correct answer or action and it is more about the journey you, the character zero of your own life, have to face. Whatever choice you make will bring out your character for good or bad. I mean, shit, Luke had to find this one out the hard way and cut his own dad’s hand off.

As the world seemingly burns around us and we pay $6 for a gallon of gas because we’re still fighting wars to make billionaires and megalomaniacs even more money, let us think about this little toe tapper and that no matter what advice someone gives you, to either slow down, or speed up, they can kiss your butt, because it’s your life and you should do what makes you happy as long as you’re not hurting anyone or yourself.

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