The Aging Bartender

Bartending is a Weird, Dark “Profession:” Part Two

“Do you want to talk more about bartending?” “No. Not really.” “What about last night?” “What about it?” “It was really busy, right?” “Yeah, I got slaughtered.” “What does that entail?” “Shaking lots of drinks.” “C’mon, man, there has to more to it than that.” “Ugh. I don’t know. I mean, yeah, there’s running out

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  • Bartending is a Weird, Dark “Profession:” Part Two

    “Do you want to talk more about bartending?” “No. Not really.” “What about last night?” “What about it?” “It was really busy, right?” “Yeah, I got slaughtered.” “What does that entail?” “Shaking lots of drinks.” “C’mon, man, there has to more to it than that.” “Ugh. I don’t know. I mean, yeah, there’s running out…

  • Bartending is a Weird, Dark “Profession:” Part One

    Let’s imagine you experienced amnesia and had no idea what bartending entailed and I had to explain to you what I do. “I take alcohol–“ “Wait, sorry, what is alcohol?” “It’s a liquid drug that makes you feel really good, all your troubles melt away for a small time, but if you have too much…

  • Homemade Ranch Dressing

    Posting the recipe first and the stupid story second. 1 Cup Mayonnaise, aioli, whatever 1 Cup Sour Cream (yogurt if you want to be healthy) 1 Cup Buttermilk One Bunch Fresh Dill (as finely chopped as possible) One Bunch Fresh Parsley (as finely chopped as possible) 1 tsp. Salt 1 tsp. Onion Powder 1 tsp.…

  • The Five Spice Cafe: Part Two

    Read Part One here. The kitchen was tiny. A square space with a low ceiling. Like any small kitchen, every available area to put something, had something. The dish machine, they said, was from a submarine. A silver tube with a circular sort of revolving door that allowed one wash cycle at a time. Every…

  • My Strawberry Infused Aperol Went Through a Secondary Fermentation

    Remember the late 2000s when lame bars and restaurants thought the cool thing to do was decorate the walls with out of print Italian bitters posters? Yeah, I do too. There’s still a few clingers out there somewhere, I’m sure. And yes, before you ask, I too have been tempted to throw one of these…

  • New Cocktail: Tooger’s Revenge

    File this one under worst cocktail names ever. My grandmother had this mangy old cat named Tooger. Stark white and always sleeping. When she died, my eccentric uncle David adopted her and brought her up to his place in the island community of South Hero, Vermont. Anyway, the damn cat lived forever. It was already…

  • Bar Hack: Green Almond Sour “Amazake” Orgeat

    The word of the day today is frabjous (pronounced frab-jess) and it means delightful or joyous. If you use this in a sentence today, no one will know what the hell you’re talking about, which could be frabjous, depending on your personality. Green Almond Sour “Amazake” Orgeat 2 cups sliced green almonds 1 cup koji…

  • The Five Spice Cafe: Part One

    The only remaining photo on the interwebs of the Five Spice Cafe, or “Five Spice”, as we all called it, is this crummy one you see above, snapped on a rainy winter morning. The restaurant was located at the ass end of Burlington, Vermont’s semi famous Church Street Marketplace. If you’ve never visited, Burlington is…

  • Cocktail Trends: 4.20.23

    Happy 420! Light up a doob! I used to smoke a shit ton of weed in my youth but haven’t partaken in a really long time. I tried it a couple of times a year or so ago and all it did was make me super tired and groggy the next day like I took…

  • Notes on the Mezgroni

    “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” This quote has zero relevance to this post, I just wanted to say it. Mez is in, rum is out. With Don Ciccio e Figli’s Luna Aperitivo being discontinued (undistributed to the West Coast? No idea.) we’re going another route…

  • Notes on the Sidecar

    You can’t talk about a sidecar without first talking about a brandy crusta. I’ve never actually had one. I’ve heard of it, but never knew the specs until now. Again, it’s a cocktail with an impossible to find static recipe on the interwebs. Like the La Louisiane, each site I visited has something different and…

  • Yeah, I Like Tea

    The old adage goes like this; Don’t sit down and order tea at the bar. Any bar. On my side, behind the bar, it’s ok though becasue tea is stellar in cocktails. All you have to be mindful of is the tannins. So, black teas like Earl grey, etc. if misused will sometimes will impart…