The Aging Bartender

Cherries!

Finally, something different. Yes, yes, yakity yak about the lame green almonds all you want but I’ll be honest, they’re a little gross. Why is it ok to eat a green almond but not veal? Anyway, the cherries have landed. The true symbol of spring. I went through a half flat yesterday like butter in…

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  • Cherries!

    Finally, something different. Yes, yes, yakity yak about the lame green almonds all you want but I’ll be honest, they’re a little gross. Why is it ok to eat a green almond but not veal? Anyway, the cherries have landed. The true symbol of spring. I went through a half flat yesterday like butter in…

  • Eating and Drinking with the Seasons

    Just a couple of random chumps at the bar last night…Or so I thought…I was speaking with a couple of regulars I hadn’t seen in almost a year, just flapping my gums as usual about how most restaurants and their bars don’t follow along with the seasons, which to me is a little puzzling considering…

  • Bar Hack: Raspberry Hibiscus Syrup

    Hey Ma look! That’s my old, gnarled hand! It’s a dated picture of The Right Decision, one of our staple drinks I somehow came up with on my own. In the picture you can see that’s how we used to rim the glass, so you could have an unaltered, non salty sip if you so…

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    May the Schwartz Be With You

    Yes, it’s May the fourth and every asshole Star Wars fan (including myself) will be saying “May the fourth be with you.” Thing is, and this is tough to say… But, Star Wars blows. I love it, but it’s an iconic part of my childhood that died on the vine. Two good movies, maybe three,…

  • Bar Hack: Leche de Tigre

    Want to infuse some life into your…Uh…Life? Ok, maybe you don’t. Maybe you want to do it for your drinks though…This ingredient is featured in one of our recent seasonal cocktails, Tooger’s Revenge, which is gaining some steam…We had a guest in last night who told us, “I normally drink wine, but I’d love to…

  • The Search for McQueen

    I’m sure many of you are unaccustomed to the tyranny of a toddler, but at some point have heard some exhausted parent speak of having to watch the same cartoon ad infinitum. Yes, children become laser focused to the point of pure insanity and are somehow able to watch the same damn cartoon over and…

  • The Five Spice Cafe: Part Three

    Read Part Two here. After a couple of months, I started training with the kitchen manager, Jennifer, to work lunches. Blonde, burley, intense. A bright and capable, strong woman, just like Chef Mef. Not afraid to rip into someone and tell them how much they sucked. My training with her was instantly controversial, as the…

  • Caipirinha Diaries: 4.30.23

    Imagine this. Something bad happened–extreme drought, nuclear war, all of the above–and now the entire world looks like the stretch from Wilshire Boulevard between 18th and 12th. Trash blowing, storefronts gone, the glass behind the shuttered safety cages broken. The occasional glow from a fire lit inside where the forgotten huddle to keep warm and…

  • Bartending is a Weird, Dark “Profession:” Part Two

    “Do you want to talk more about bartending?” “No. Not really.” “What about last night?” “What about it?” “It was really busy, right?” “Yeah, I got slaughtered.” “What does that entail?” “Shaking lots of drinks.” “C’mon, man, there has to more to it than that.” “Ugh. I don’t know. I mean, yeah, there’s running out…

  • Bartending is a Weird, Dark “Profession:” Part One

    Let’s imagine you experienced amnesia and had no idea what bartending entailed and I had to explain to you what I do. “I take alcohol–“ “Wait, sorry, what is alcohol?” “It’s a liquid drug that makes you feel really good, all your troubles melt away for a small time, but if you have too much…

  • Homemade Ranch Dressing

    Posting the recipe first and the stupid story second. 1 Cup Mayonnaise, aioli, whatever 1 Cup Sour Cream (yogurt if you want to be healthy) 1 Cup Buttermilk One Bunch Fresh Dill (as finely chopped as possible) One Bunch Fresh Parsley (as finely chopped as possible) 1 tsp. Salt 1 tsp. Onion Powder 1 tsp.…

  • The Five Spice Cafe: Part Two

    Read Part One here. The kitchen was tiny. A square space with a low ceiling. Like any small kitchen, every available area to put something, had something. The dish machine, they said, was from a submarine. A silver tube with a circular sort of revolving door that allowed one wash cycle at a time. Every…