I got to see a grown man’s buttocks last night. Twice. Now, I have been know to practice proctology as a pastime, but I’ve been neglecting my homework and due to my own laziness haven’t been following up on all the latest medical jargon and scientific articles. So, excuse me when I’m unable to properly articulate the other part of his body I saw. No, not that part, but deeper inside the cleft. I guess it would commonly be called an asshole?

A regular stopped by last night. Came in, sat down. Asked for an old fashioned as he always does. That’s when I noticed something was a bit off. He talked to me about his job, his big happenings from that week…And then he said it again…And then again. Oh shit, I thought. Ok, time to move forward though this. I should not have given him that drink, but I won’t give him another. He’s a known drinker in the neighborhood and has never gotten out of control. Still, giving him that old fashioned was a mistake, plain and simple. I simply gave it to him because that’s what he always orders and, like I said, he’s been in a million times before and been perfectly normal.

I poured him a big glass of water, which he drank. When he asked for a beer I told him we were done with serving. “I would like another beer,” he said. “I’m sorry,” I said. “We’re no longer serving.” He got visibly agitated, stood, and on his way out pulled the back of his pants halfway down and mooned me, Denise, and another regular.

Well, he was gone…Or so we all thought. He actually began to harass and eight top of guests outside on the sidewalk to such an extent that one of the men stood and almost took action. I went out there with the AGM and we coerced him to leave. “Two choices,” I said. “We call the cops or you leave and go home.”

He did leave, but not before pulling his pants down one more time and mooning us but also going so far as to grab his butt cheeks with both hands and really give us a proper “Santa Monica Full Moon.”

Lessons. Lessons. Since we’re a small bar in a restaurant, we rarely have to deal with this type of behavior which I can only guess is more common at a dive bar or equivalent. I felt solely responsible but again, he came in drunk and I was only fully aware after I gave him a drink. Still, my bartender spidey sense wasn’t turned on fully after the end of a long week, long shift, etc. Excuses aside, it’s a lesson. Always be aware.