Lo! Where would Southern California be without the spicy margarita? For those unaware, in other parts of the world, the spicy margarita is both king, queen, and jester here. Yes, it’s a bit basic but also delicious. Salt or no, it matters not. There’s a reason why the classics still have punching power this far into their career. Pretty much every bar worth a damn must have one. We have two, the Marjie and the Right Decision.

The two constantly vie for the position of top seller at the restaurant. The Right Decision: Mezcal, hibiscus/mango/raspberry syrup, fresh lime juice, habanero shrub, and a tajin rim. The Marjie: Tequila, fresh lime juice, mint syrup, fresh cucumber juice, elderflower liquor, and spicy Phlegethon bitters.

Ah, and so we come to the part where the movie mentions the title.

In ancient Greek mythology the underworld, Hades, had five rivers. Styx, Cocytus, Lethe, Acheron, and Phelgethon. Styx (representing hatred) is the most well known. It’s the one Achilles’ mother dipped him in to make him invulnerable and in order to do so held him by the heel, giving him a weakness. The Cocytus (wailing or lamentation) is where souls who did not experience a proper burial were forced to dwell. Lethe (oblivion, forgetfulness) is where souls were forced to drink upon entering Hades in order to forget their mortal lives. Acheron (woe, misery) was fed from a swamp. Yeah, swamps are pretty depressing.

This leaves us with the River Phlegethon, the river of fire. Fed by funeral pyres, it leads to the center of the underworld, Tartarus, where the dead are judged. In the Aeneid, Vergil describes it so: “With treble walls, which Phlegethon surrounds/Whose fiery flood the burning empire bounds.”

In classic Rustic Canyon Bar Program fashion, the Phlegethon feeds the spicy bitters requirement and creates product for both alcoholic and non-alcoholic enjoyment while going zero waste. Hey, hey. Pay attention now. Here’s how to make your own spicy bitters.

Fresh habaneros arrive at the farmer’s market toward the end of summer. I buy a shitload, bring them in and start by splitting them in half (use gloves or you’ll be sorry), deseeding and destemming them, and throwing them in a jar with equal parts sugar for two days. On day three, I (carefully) stick blend the whole shebang and wait another two days. Afterward, it gets strained off and I add apple cider vinegar to the liquid in a 4:1 ratio. So four parts habanero, one part apple cider vinegar. This becomes the beautiful bright orange colored shrub/napalm we us as a dasher for The Right Decision. It also makes a great spicy ingredient for people who don’t want alcohol. Believe it or not, this is important.

Ah, but what to do with the dregs? Don’t throw them out. They go into a big ol’ jar with more fresh habanero and the the seeds and stem castoffs, trim, whatever you want to call it. I add a big handful of dehydrated orange slices (we save these from the previous night’s service, yes more zero waste sucka!), a small pinch of coffee beans, and an even smaller pinch of dried gentian. This whole mess then gets covered with cheap 151 rum and is left to sit when needed. There’s no real timeline, but it has to sit at least two weeks.

When we need it we strain it all off and pass it through a coffee filter. To the leftover mash, I add hot water from the urn in a 2:1 ratio. Two parts the strained 151 to one part hot water. This is left to sit for a half hour to both collect the remainder of the flavors and the alcohol leeched by the ingredients. Once it has sat for enough time, it too is strained through a coffee filter and added to the 151. Voila. Phlegethon bitters. Toss the schmeg out. We use just one dash in the Marjie for a couple of reasons. 1. If I forget that I added it, it’s still only two dashes. 2. It’s like a steak temperature. You can always cook it more but you can never cook it less. So, same concept: if it’s too spicy, it gets thrown out. Not spicy enough? Just add a little more. Knowing is half the battle.