The Aging Bartender

Bar Hack: Spicy Phlegethon Bitters

Lo! Where would Southern California be without the spicy margarita? For those unaware, in other parts of the world, the spicy margarita is both king, queen, and jester here. Yes, it’s a bit basic but also delicious. Salt or no, it matters not. There’s a reason why the classics still have punching power this far

Read more

Recent posts
Recent photos

  • Bar Hack: Spicy Phlegethon Bitters

    Lo! Where would Southern California be without the spicy margarita? For those unaware, in other parts of the world, the spicy margarita is both king, queen, and jester here. Yes, it’s a bit basic but also delicious. Salt or no, it matters not. There’s a reason why the classics still have punching power this far…

  • Dry Bartenders?

    It’s happening more and more. Bartenders choosing not to drink in order to live a more healthy lifestyle. It makes sense. I mean, if you look at us a certain way we’re drug dealers. It’s just that our drug of choice is readily available pretty much everywhere, socially acceptable, and dressed up quite nicely for…

  • Bar Hack: Calpico and the Birth of Beelzebubba

    You can’t deny the greats: The White Russian, Egg Nog, Mudslide, Ramos Gin Fizz, Brandy Alexander, oh and let’s not forget clarified milk punch. Yeah, dairy. What is it about dairy that keeps us coming back for more? Where would we be without it? A sad life without cheese and butter. A long list of…

  • My First Real Kitchen: Part Seven

    Finale! That day’s service carved itself into my brain like drunken teenage lovers etching their initials with a pen knife in tree bark, illustrated like the perfect how to manual on self discovery. All of a sudden, I meant something. I had purpose. I could be taken seriously. A possible career on the horizon. Forget…

  • My First Real Kitchen: Part Six

    Still going… I started training with Kevin on the pizza oven after he found a dishwasher. From the get go it was evident he had no idea what he was doing. I got there early, at six, and he had to miss a meeting in order to train me, so right away a huge piece…

  • My First Real Kitchen: Part Five

    Not so cocktail related (maybe more than I think), but I really enjoy writing about all the kitchens I worked in. This is a continuation of part four, from yesterday. After the salami, it became my daily responsibility to slice cheese as well. Big heavy loaves of mozzarella. I always made the slicer immaculate afterwards.…

  • My First Real Kitchen: Part Four

    This is continued from several posts a few weeks back. Here’s parts one, two, and three if you want to catch up. The alarm rang at six thirty and so did the pain in my shoulders. I have no idea how I put my feet on the carpet and walked into the shower but I…

  • Cocktail Names

    Frederick Nietzsche said (I’m paraphrasing major philosophical ideas here) names are all that are real. Once you call a table a chair, it is no longer a table, it is a chair and vice versa. The very act of naming, transforms metaphors into concepts, and if shared within a community, creates the possibility of communication.…

  • Enter: The Clothespin

    Please, and I’m going to send this one out into the universe…NO MORE GODDAM CLOTHESPINS ON COCKTAILS!!! Please. Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top? Scrolling yesterday morning while on the toilet, enjoying the void while voiding, I happened upon an EaterLa post about the new mega Mastro’s Steakhouse in Beverly Hills. As I…

  • New Cocktail: Beauty Queen

    Kiwi. Say it loud, say it proud. KIWI! Yes, yes, the bountiful bosom of California has blessed us with a bunch of these weird, shaggy little old man testicles this winter courtesy of J.J.’s Lone Daughter Ranch up in Redlands, CA. Yeah, I don’t know where that is either. I feel like my childhood had…

  • Movie Review: The Menu

    I saw it just once and was only half paying attention, I’m no movie critic either, but here goes. If I were to rate this on a cocktail scale I’d give it a vodka soda. I enjoyed the premise, the performances, and the tropes of The Menu more than anything else in the movie. Ralph…

  • The Vesper

    “Hello bartender? Please water down my normally delicious gin with vodka.” It may sound cool to order a vesper, maybe you imagine yourself as the blue eyed, pouty lipped Daniel Craig version of James Bond, but you’re doing yourself no justice. One, you’re not even close to being as cool Daniel Craig in any way…