The Aging Bartender

The Tiki Gods are Crazy

Two middle aged women at the bar last night. Old friends who last saw each other six years ago. The first wanted tequila, the second, well, very undecided. The conversation went much like this. “This one, the Not Too Sweet, is it good?” “It’s ok if you like to drink vodka.” “I have no idea

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  • The Tiki Gods are Crazy

    Two middle aged women at the bar last night. Old friends who last saw each other six years ago. The first wanted tequila, the second, well, very undecided. The conversation went much like this. “This one, the Not Too Sweet, is it good?” “It’s ok if you like to drink vodka.” “I have no idea…

  • Bartender as Therapist

    “A good bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.” -Albert Einstein Regulars comes and go. It’s all part of it. People move, the menu changes, drinking habits disappear…there’s a multitude of reasons why people don’t come in to see anymore (you stop ordering their shitty liquor). I work in a neighborhood restaurant bar,…

  • Bar Hack: Prepping Cherimoya (and what to do with it afterward…)

    Good morning budding home bartenders and fellow intoxicologists. Are you clueless and would like to know how to prep a cherimoya? I’ve had these weird fruits on the brain for a bit. They’re around here for a little while, maybe a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and then they’ll be gone for another year.…

  • Gone Bamboo

    There’s a point in every bartender’s life when all the gin, whiskey, and agave spirits lose their luster. When every cocktail made with something other than a cane spirit is just a sweet and sour watery turd. “Gone bamboo” was an old fiction novel written by Anthony Bourdain, the term describes cooks and chefs who…

  • Farmers Market Loot: 1.18.23

    Instead of a day late and a dollar short I’m a day early and short much more than a dollar. I went into the maelstrom of the vaunted Santa Monica Farmer’s Market at 8:30 this morning. Yup. I’m an early riser. My son wakes up at 6:30 a.m. This morning, against my better judgement I…

  • When Bartenders Dream

    The sleeping hours are not always about mai tai specs, pristine white beaches, and flair competitions. No. When bartenders dream it’s most often about opening their own place. Why work hard for someone else and not yourself? Yeah. My own thoughts have turned there quite often. What the average punter doesn’t know is just how…

  • The Eight Bottle Bar

    Welcome weekend warriors. Strap in. You are about to experience a few mediocre paragraphs of free advice pertaining to your home bar program. Yeah. Almost no one is a professional bartender, so why should I expect any jackass that comes in to know the difference between rye and bourbon? I have just a sprinkle of…

  • Two Can Superman

    My advice to you: Don’t get old. Not even a little bit. Now that we have that out of the way, we can begin. I say this because once again the demons crept in on me at work last night. The little devils who whisper in my ear, “You can’t do this forever. How long…

  • Spork

    Good evening and welcome to Spork. What is our ethos? Well, we have several. First, let it be known that this is a profit sharing organization that gives all excess money back to its employees. Yes, do you see those shining faces walking about? They all actually give a shit about this place because each…

  • Bar Hack: Incognito Fruit Fly Catcher

    This will be my claim to fame and it’s not even my idea. Denise came up with it and I took all the credit. I’ll make a million dollars off the invention, then she’ll take me to court, sue me, get paid, and I’ll die alone and penniless in a pauper’s grave. Hopefully one of…

  • Farmer’s Market Loot: 1.12.23

    Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day. Daddy wants to play. Rain, rain, go away. Yeah, if you haven’t heard, it’s become a real problem. Many of the farmers were blocked from making it down to LA because the 101 freeway was washed out by a landslide. So I wandered yesterday in a ghost…

  • My First Bartending Job: Part Two

    Wasn’t this post supposed to be about my first bartending job? Fear not, dear reader. It’s a long winded two parter and I’ll get to the point eventually. One of the best things about working at Sfoglia, aside from the money of course, was being closed on Sundays. It really helped moral. We were a…