The Aging Bartender

That Time I Was a GM: Part One

I sing of the general manager. The herald, the poor, unappreciated, downtrodden soul. Cracker of the whip. Builder of the schedule. Bearer of much weight upon troubled shoulders. The one with the forced smile whose ear bends to all the complaints in the restaurant issued from staff both front and back, guests, other managers, owners.…

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  • Two men smiling and holding drinks at a crowded Phish concert with colorful psychedelic visuals on the big screen.

  • That Time I Was a GM: Part One

    I sing of the general manager. The herald, the poor, unappreciated, downtrodden soul. Cracker of the whip. Builder of the schedule. Bearer of much weight upon troubled shoulders. The one with the forced smile whose ear bends to all the complaints in the restaurant issued from staff both front and back, guests, other managers, owners.…

  • New Cocktail: River Dance

    The best description I ever heard of bartending was in The PDT book (or maybe it was the original Death & Co.). Imagine this: You’re a short order cook, you take no orders from the server but directly from the customer (guest, whatever) and they, get this, can order almost whatever they want. In addition,…

  • Bar Hack: Lacto Tajin

    What is an aging bartender to do with a bunch of lacto blueberries except put them through the trusty robo, load them onto a tray, and then throw their weird salty little asses into the dehydrator? These puppies were placed into 2% brine and left to sit, by the way, and the big idea here…

  • My First Dishwashing Job

    I followed an ad in the local paper. This place, The Windjammer, just up the street, was hiring a dishwasher for $5.25 an hour. $5.25 an hour! At my current job, counting cans and bottles at the redemption center, I made minimum wage, $4.25. This would be a huge upgrade and I wouldn’t have to…

  • New Cocktail: Guardian Angel

    Anyone reading this who currently lives in LA must be thinking about the little shake up we had last night. Over here, the damn dog started barking first, woke me up at 2 a.m., and seconds later our building wobbled around like a spastic slinky. More barking. Confusion. Other dogs on the street going wild.…

  • That Time I Worked at Red Lobster

    On summer vacation between my first and second year of college a good buddy of mine, Chad, told me to apply to a Red Lobster where he worked in the kitchen. “It’s pretty cool there,” he said. Desperate for beer money, I went in to speak to the general manager, this chickennecked guy named Will,…

  • Birth of the BBP

    The life of The Aging Bartender is not all glitz and glamour. The wise words of Yoda still ring true, “Adventure, excitement, a jedi craves not these things.” I suppose I could steal that for my benefit, twist it around a bit. How about, “Adventure, excitement, The Aging Bartender neither craves nor has the energy…

  • The Tiki Gods are Crazy

    Two middle aged women at the bar last night. Old friends who last saw each other six years ago. The first wanted tequila, the second, well, very undecided. The conversation went much like this. “This one, the Not Too Sweet, is it good?” “It’s ok if you like to drink vodka.” “I have no idea…

  • Bartender as Therapist

    “A good bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.” -Albert Einstein Regulars comes and go. It’s all part of it. People move, the menu changes, drinking habits disappear…there’s a multitude of reasons why people don’t come in to see anymore (you stop ordering their shitty liquor). I work in a neighborhood restaurant bar,…

  • Bar Hack: Prepping Cherimoya (and what to do with it afterward…)

    Good morning budding home bartenders and fellow intoxicologists. Are you clueless and would like to know how to prep a cherimoya? I’ve had these weird fruits on the brain for a bit. They’re around here for a little while, maybe a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and then they’ll be gone for another year.…

  • Gone Bamboo

    There’s a point in every bartender’s life when all the gin, whiskey, and agave spirits lose their luster. When every cocktail made with something other than a cane spirit is just a sweet and sour watery turd. “Gone bamboo” was an old fiction novel written by Anthony Bourdain, the term describes cooks and chefs who…

  • Farmers Market Loot: 1.18.23

    Instead of a day late and a dollar short I’m a day early and short much more than a dollar. I went into the maelstrom of the vaunted Santa Monica Farmer’s Market at 8:30 this morning. Yup. I’m an early riser. My son wakes up at 6:30 a.m. This morning, against my better judgement I…